In a culture so obsessed with sex, hookups and Tinder, it can be easy to question your own libido. Is it too low? Too high? Just right? And is thinking about sex all the time normal?
Fear not: You’re probably fine. Sex drive is a spectrum, which means there is no universal “normal” when it comes to how often someone wants to have sex, says Bradley Anawalt, M.D., an endocrinologist who specializes in low testosterone and male fertility.
“Doctors struggle enough to define normal sexual activity, so it would be impossible to say someone has a normal or abnormal sex drive, except perhaps on extremes,” Anawalt says.
On one end of the extreme, he means the absence of any sexual desire—and not because someone identifies as asexual. On the other end is sex addiction, though some experts argue there is not enough evidence to classify compulsive or hyperactive sexual behavior as an addiction.
Some people might want sex multiple times a week. Others, once a month or less. Variation is normal, Anawalt says, because sex drive is influenced by a plethora of things—not just hormones.
Even if you don’t want to have sex all the time, you might still think about it all the time. Millennials supposedly invented hookup culture but are actually having less sex than older generations. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking about it—a lot. For most people, thinking about sex daily is still the norm, says Anawalt.
“As you get older, sex drive may decline, but it’s not something that disappears completely,” he says.
For Anawalt, your libido is only a problem if you’re unhappy with it. If you think you have a low libido (or a high libido) and are bothered by it, that’s when you should talk with a doctor. (Or if your partner is complaining about your lack of enthusiasm—something that has brought more than one patient to Anawalt’s office before.)