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Kids with glazed eyes glued to screens and small fingers tapping away — this is not an uncommon or shocking sight these days. After all, we’re in an era of technology when access to so much of the world (and so many emojis) is at your fingertips.
With that in mind, does it really make sense to worry about the harm smartphones cause your kids?
The short answer? Yes.
No, this isn’t just jaded old folks shaking their fists at the youth and their button-happy digits. Mounting evidence shows that the more kids use smartphones (and, more specifically, social media), the more depression and anxiety they experience.
It’s important to try and understand why.
How smartphones hurt kids
First, let’s get something straight. The smartphone itself is not really the issue.
"Having a smartphone is not inherently harmful or beneficial,” says Joey Hockey, a licensed clinical social worker and therapist for Seattle Children’s Complex Care Program. “It’s what exists on the phone — the different apps that your kid will be exposed to.”
And some of the most common ways smartphones cause harm? We’ve got a list for you.
Smartphones can affect your kid’s mental health
Studies have found a spike in depression, anxiety and suicidal behaviors that seemed to begin around 2010, when smartphones (like the iPhone) became widely available. From the years 2010 to 2015, serious changes in teen mental health really started to emerge.
According to Hockey, there is a specific age range when kids’ mental health is more at risk: the middle school years.
“We recognize how hard middle school has always been and now imagine the drama that comes along with Instagram and Snapchat,” explains Hockey. “It's hard for us adults to handle that in a safe way, not to mention a kid that doesn't have the emotional regulation skills or the social capacity to do that.”
They’re wasting time
According to Dr. Beth Ebel, a pediatrician at the Pediatric Clinic at Harborview Medical Center and University of Washington School of Medicine professor, smartphones can suck up valuable kid time.
“Cell phones intrude on time with family, peaceful meals, restful sleep and activities with friends and family,” Ebel explains.
The average teen spends over 7 hours (yikes) looking at screens daily. This amount of screen time can result in struggles with focus and inattention, disruption of sleep, and a distorted view of the world, which can influence their physical and emotional well-being. Plus, this means that they’re spending less time with the people in their lives who are physically present.
Cyberbullying and online harassment are real
This is a huge concern — especially for young teens. The anonymity of the online world makes it easy for bullying and other forms of harassment to exist.
According to Ebel, “Bullying, harassment and intimidation can be facilitated through the anonymity of social media and can turn into a life-threatening risk for a young person. If you, your child or a friend have concerns, there are local resources to help immediately.”
Smartphone talk isn't all doom and gloom
Smartphones are a part of everyday life, and you will eventually have to figure out how to bring them into your kid’s world in a healthy way. The plus side? They aren’t all bad. In fact, there are a few things that they’re pretty darn good at:
Giving parents peace of mind. Gone are the days of coming home before the streetlights turn on, or calling from someone’s landline to let your mom know you made it to your buddy’s house. Now parents can know right away where you are, that you’re safe and what you want for dinner later. Constant communication with the parentals might not always be fun for the kid, but it can certainly quell anxiety for caregivers.
Strengthening relationships. Texting, especially for teens, is a helpful way to stay connected with people when you’re not with them. It’s a straightforward way to communicate without having to make the dreaded phone call. You can easily make plans and let someone know you’re thinking about them.
Finding community. Especially when it comes to social media, you can have access to other ideas, lifestyles and possibilities. This is especially relevant for young people who don't have the support they need in their current situation — for example, LGBTQ youth living in rural areas who don’t know other kids like themselves. It can be comforting to know that there’s another world out there.
Biding your time
Though you can’t keep phones out of your kid’s sweaty little hands forever, Hockey has a few tips for buying some time.
Start with simpler devices
Instead of getting a smartphone for their kids, some parents opt to start with other devices that allows them to stay connected to their kid and give them some independence while preventing access to some of the scary things (social media, internet browsing, unconfirmed contacts, etc.). These can include flip phones or other basic phones that only allow calls and texts, or smart watches that offer texting and GPS capabilities.
Wait until they’re mentally and emotionally ready
According to Ebel, there is no set age when your kid should get a smartphone, but there are recommendations (of course). And, since all kids are different, parents must understand their own unique child's age and maturity combination.
Hockey thinks that a good rule of thumb is waiting until high school to give your kid a smartphone and not letting them have social media until they’re 16. Hockey believes that setting these kinds of boundaries can help give them a solid foundation for a healthy relationship with their smartphone.
“It’s best to start building that foundation early, because once your kid has a smartphone, it’s harder to take a step back than it is to go forwards,” he explains. “It’s a step-by-step progression, like cooking. You're not going to just allow your kid to start using chef knives or using the oven or using the stove — you’re going to start with a bowl of cereal and then move onto cooking an egg or something simple.”
Communicate with other parents
Ideally, your kid’s school would be phone-free (and some are!), but that isn’t really something that parents have control over. One thing they can control? Communicating with other parents. It’ll be easier to delay giving your child a smartphone if all their friends don’t already have one. Which is why you should talk to your village about the issue — and if you can agree on a similar approach, it can make things go more smoothly.
Keeping your connected kids safe
So, once you have made the leap into giving your child a smartphone, you want to make sure they’re staying safe in their new world. This comes down to setting boundaries from the get-go. As mentioned before, it’s so much easier to add a privilege than it is to take a privilege away.
Some parents choose to go down the parental control app route and keep track of what their kid is doing online — tracking the websites they are on, monitoring how long they’re online, etc.
“It's good to have those guardrails — you're not just going to put a kid on a two-wheel bike and say, ‘Go,’ you're going put the training wheels on first,” says Hockey. “Then, as you start to realize they’re doing well, you can move on to the next step like social media or more games on their phone.”
Ebel mentions that according to current research, alternatives to parental control apps can be helpful. For example, online safety plans can be useful, which rely on parenting strategies that promote better teen self-regulation, incorporate family input in the rule-setting process and facilitate learning. Meaning that parents should be open and honest with kids and work with them when it comes to the rules around their phones.
“Teens should ideally be learning how to make responsible decisions on their own about the content they interact with online,” she explains. “Relying on restrictive rules or monitoring technologies makes it harder for them to problem-solve and develop the autonomy they need to navigate digital technology in ways that support their development.”
Hockey is also a big proponent of communicating and even troubleshooting various situations with your child that might arise, so that they can be prepared. These might include what to do if somebody says something rude to your child online or asks them for a nude picture or wants to know where they are. Having those open discussions with your kid can help them work through whatever creepy and even dangerous situations they might encounter.
We live with technology
Ebel emphasizes that parents must accept that the large companies behind phone apps and websites do not have your child’s best interest in mind. They’re just focused on capturing your kid’s attention and making money.
But it’s also important to note that technology is so essential in our lives.
“The smartphone is such an incredible piece of technology that we use for so many different parts of our lives and that can really benefit us,” says Hockey. “It's always going to be around, and we must find ways to curb those negative parts so we can regain balance and get more positive things out of it."
So, though it may take a bit more effort, introducing kids to smartphones in a responsible and carefully thought-out way is something that families should focus on to make them safer and happier.
