Healthy ideas for your inbox
Raise your hand if you have a dad, husband, male partner or friend who avoids going to the doctor. No, this isn’t just a stereotype — more than half of men in a recent national survey reported that they don’t get regular health screenings.
That’s a problem because regular checkups with a primary care doctor can help catch or prevent a wide range of issues, including heart disease, cancer and mental health issues like depression. The result is that men have a significantly shorter life expectancy than women.
So why is it so hard for men to seek medical support when they need it? And how can we encourage them to go to the doctor? Here’s what to know.
Why do men avoid asking for help?
One big reason men go to the doctor less frequently than women is societal expectations. In the U.S., men are taught that masculinity is synonymous with self-sufficiency and toughness. There aren’t a lot of models for what it looks like for a man to be vulnerable and admit he needs help when he’s struggling.
“Many men feel pressure to live up to some very traditional masculine norms that might discourage you from seeking help or from saying that you’re not doing well,” says Jürgen Unützer, MD, a psychiatrist at UW Medicine and chair of UW School of Medicine’s Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences.
Another reason men don’t go to the doctor? They never formed the habit.
“For many men, the last time they had a formal connection to a physician is when they get their final sports physical for high school,” says Hunter Wessells, MD, a physician at the Urology Clinic at Harborview and the Men’s Health Clinic at UW Medical Center – Roosevelt, as well as the former chair of UW School of Medicine’s Department of Urology.
Women, on the other hand, are more likely to maintain a relationship with an OB-GYN or primary care doctor during their reproductive years, which may extend through their entire adult life.
The result? When a health issue comes up, many men might not even consider seeing a doctor and instead just ignore it.
Why it’s important for men to go to the doctor
Avoiding the doctor means many so-called silent diseases that don’t have symptoms, like high blood pressure or cancer, might not be caught until they’ve progressed and become more serious — and harder to treat. Men’s reluctance to seek support can be especially challenging and risky when it comes to mental health struggles, which are often first detected at primary care appointments.
“Men have much, much higher rates of dying by suicide than women do,” says Unützer. “It’s not a small difference, it’s a really, really big difference, especially in older men.”
It’s no surprise, then, that men’s life expectancy in the U.S. is 73 years, six years less than women’s life expectancy, a gap that’s only been getting wider in recent years.
How to get men to ask for help
So we know how harmful it is for men to avoid going to the doctor. What can be done about it?
Reframe asking for help as strong, not weak
The first step is to reframe asking for help as something that requires strength and courage — not something that is weak.
After all, taking care of your health, including your mental health, isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s fulfilling a responsibility men have to their family, friends and colleagues to be the best version of themselves and to be able to support their loved ones for as long as possible.
John Amory, MD, MPH, a physician at the General Internal Medicine Center at UW Medical Center – Roosevelt has seen a lot of men come into his clinic to get immunized for COVID-19 and flu along with their children, and making sure they’re also vaccinated for measles.
“They wanted to protect their families, and so that, I think, is a strong incentive for a lot of men,” he says.
Be OK talking about uncomfortable topics
Talking to men about getting help can be hard and might be embarrassing for them — Unützer says even medical professionals can struggle with this with male patients. In fact, it’s important to get over that and confront their struggles directly to show it’s OK and they won’t be loved or respected any less for having them.
“When I see somebody where I feel like they may be struggling and they may have a hard time talking about it, I will just call that out and say: ‘I’m going to talk about some things that might be hard to talk about, but they’re really important,’” says Unützer. “If it shows that you really care, that gets through to most people.”
Finding a way to talk about hard topics is particularly important when it comes to mental health.
“If you’re a man having significant thoughts of self-harm and a plan for suicide, or you are family or friends with someone who is, then that’s actually a reason to go seek immediate medical attention,” says Amory.
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide or self-harm, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.
Start with what’s interfering in their life
Often what gets men into the doctor is something that is directly affecting their life. Maybe erectile dysfunction is making their sex life difficult or that beer belly is starting to bother them and a buddy told them about GLP-1 drugs like Wegovy. If they bring up that kind of issue, encourage them to talk to their doctor about it. They might find out there is a larger health issue at play, like heart disease or diabetes, and that can be a starting point for managing their health more broadly.
Encourage them to be consistent
The more often men go in for checkups, the more trust they can build with a primary care doctor — and the less intimidating it starts to become. They can then enter a virtuous cycle towards being more consistent about going to the doctor.
“Establishing care with a primary care physician is probably the most important single thing a man can do to maintain health,” says Wessells.
Plus, the older someone gets and the more health issues start to pile up, the happier they’ll be to have a doctor they trust and who knows their health history.
“Just like it’s good to know a really good plumber and a really good lawyer, having a decent doctor on your bench is really important,” says Amory.
One strategy to get into the routine is to schedule their next wellness exam at the end of their current visit — that will also get ahead of the long wait times for appointments if their healthcare system has access issues.
Try telehealth
Another solution for those access issues? Telehealth, which has exploded since the COVID-19 pandemic. Getting a virtual appointment is often much easier than an in-person one and is a more convenient way to address many health issues that don’t require a physical exam.
“In fact, some men might be more comfortable confiding in a telemedicine visit without the range of interpersonal interactions required during an in-person visit,” says Wessells.
However men get care, and whatever motivates them, the most important thing is to get over the idea that getting support for their health makes them weak. By taking care of themselves, men are showing courage and taking responsibility for the people they support.
