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Going to the doctor can be stressful. You don’t know what you don’t know, which leaves you in a position to trust your doctor and the treatment plan they recommend.
But if you’re not comfortable with the course of action your doctor suggests, you should feel free to voice your concerns and advocate for yourself. Your doctor should be willing to work with you and create a plan that feels right.
Here are some tips and scripts to make sure your concerns are addressed ... no awkwardness or tension involved.
The doctor-patient power dynamic
Doctors are there to help you understand your medical history, talk you through any concerns you have, and work with you to treat short- and long-term health issues so you stay in tip-top shape.
But not every interaction with a doctor goes well. For one, it’s no secret that race, gender and sexuality have historically affected the level of care that patients get, leading to inequity in healthcare. If you’re someone who has had a negative experience with doctors in the past, it makes sense that you’d hesitate to bring up certain concerns (calling all women who have been told “It’s probably anxiety”).
“Many people have had bad experiences in healthcare, and we, as doctors, are asking for you to trust us right off the gate,” says Adewunmi Nuga, MD, PhD, a clinical instructor at the UW School of Medicine and a primary care doctor at UW Medicine Primary & Urgent Care – Kirkland. “It makes sense that your defenses are up.”
One important reason for this? The power dynamic between you and your doctor, which can be intimidating, especially if you feel you’ve been discriminated against because of your race, gender or sexuality.
“As much as we don’t like to admit, there is that power differential in the patient-doctor relationship,” says Nuga. “Part of it is on your doctor to create an atmosphere that welcomes questions and allows patients to be completely forthcoming.”
Plus, it can be scary for anyone to try a treatment that they’re not familiar with. Your doctor should help you understand and feel comfortable before moving forward with anything — if they don’t, that’s a problem.
Here are some ways to make sure you get your concerns addressed, even if you’re feeling scared or skeptical, and what to do if you still disagree.
How to avoid disagreements with your doctor
Advocating for yourself starts before your doctor even suggests a treatment plan.
It’s important to prepare for your doctor’s appointments to make sure your concerns are addressed and prevent confusion that could lead to disagreement with your doctor. Try asking these questions at your appointment:
Start with the most important symptoms you want addressed
Ask: “Here’s what worries me the most about this situation — what can we do today to begin addressing that?”
Before your appointment, write down a list of health concerns, including how long you’ve been dealing with them, how often symptoms occur, if they’ve improved or worsened, and if anything has made them better or worse. Then figure out what is your top concern you want to get addressed.
At your appointment, lead with what you believe is top priority.
“Your doctor will ask you more detailed questions about the issues that are going on,” says Nuga. “Start with what’s bothering you the most, and work from there.”
Because you can’t have hours-long appointments with your doctors (or sometimes, not even 30 minutes), your doctor will ask follow-up questions during your appointment so they can get all the information (or nuance) they need about what’s bothering you.
So, essentially, don’t save the most urgent issue that brought you into the office for last — even if you’ve got more than a few things going on. That way, you won’t leave your appointment feeling like there isn’t a clear plan addressing what you’re most concerned about.
“There’s only so much time in an appointment” says Nuga. “We want to address the most pressing problem so you can feel better.”
Know your family history
Ask: “[These family members] have a history of [this condition]. Is there anything else about my family history that might be important for you to know?”
The more you can tell your doctor about your family history alongside your current health conditions, the better. It can help inform them of the best ways to move forward with your care.
“Coming in with that kind of knowledge is helpful to know and can help us decide if specific tests or screenings are needed,” says Nuga.
If there’s an important piece of information that’s left out early on, it can cause frustration on both the patient’s and the doctor’s side. Remember: the more information your doctor has, the better the odds they’ll find the appropriate management plan.
For example, if you’re a woman under 40 who insists on getting a mammogram — a screening typically not needed until your mid-40s — but your doctor doesn’t know that you’re asking because you have an immediate family history of breast cancer, that’s a perfect recipe for confusion.
Tell your doctor about the research you’ve done at home
Ask: “I researched my symptoms, and I found [this condition]; would you be open to reviewing what I found and answering my questions around it?”
It might feel awkward or disrespectful to come to your doctor with information already in hand. However, Nuga says it’s OK to do so.
“It’s OK if patients research their symptoms and come to their appointment with some information,” says Nuga. “You’re coming to the doctor because you’re not sure about the information you’re seeing, and you want an expert opinion. To me, it’s not a challenge.”
Of course, it’s important to do this in a respectful way. If something you see on the internet or hear on social media helps you some additional language around how you’re feeling, that's great. But if it doesn’t entirely match what your doctor says, don’t assume your doctor is wrong or misinformed.
“At the end of the day, I want my patients to feel heard,” says Nuga. “Let’s work together to get to the heart of the matter based on what you’re feeling and the research you’ve done. Any information helps.”
What to do if you and your doctor still disagree
So, you’ve come to your appointment prepared and clearly stated your concerns, but you still don’t feel heard or understood by your doctor or don’t agree with their treatment plan. What next?
Here are some steps you can take:
Suggest a stepwise approach
Ask: “Can we start with [this method], and if there isn’t improvement, we can try moving forward with [this method]?”
A stepwise approach, progressing through a treatment plan in various stages, can be a great way for you to feel heard, and for your doctor to ensure that your needs are met.
“This approach involves the patient and the doctor discussing together which options they’d like to pursue if the one their doctor recommends doesn’t work, or vice versa,” says Nuga.
This, of course, comes with some nuance. Your doctor won’t agree to something that could put your health at risk, and sometimes, there are limitations (legal and otherwise) around what they can provide.
When you go into your appointment with an open mind, you and your doctor are more likely to find a solution that works for you and your health in the long-term.
Get a second opinion
Getting a second opinion from another doctor can be a helpful way to give you peace of mind and confirm (or soothe) any doubts you may have about your current doctor’s thoughts about the issues you’re having.
After you receive a diagnosis or treatment plan from your doctor, don’t be afraid to go to a different provider to see what they think of it or if they have different ideas about what could be going on and how to move forward.
You can say: “I’ve received this diagnosis from my doctor, but I’d like to get a second opinion before moving forward with the treatment plan they’ve recommended.”
This way, you can address the fears and concerns that you have, while also ensuring that the recommended path of action is actually the best way forward.
Look for another doctor
Sometimes a doctor isn’t your doctor. That’s the unfortunate truth. If you still feel like your voice isn’t being heard, maybe it’s time for someone new. Nuga encourages you to research your doctors, too.
Pro tip? Check out doctors’ online reviews.
“Reviews can be a good way to vet your future doctors,” Nuga says. “If multiple people online say their doctor is really nice and goes above and beyond for their patients, it’s probably true.”
In addition to looking at reviews, be sure to research if a doctor is board certified, how long they’ve been in practice, if they have any specialty training and who they’re affiliated with. You can also ask your friends and family if they have a doctor they’d recommend.
Contact patient relations if necessary
Unfortunately, it’s possible that a doctor may violate the trust of a patient. In these situations, Nuga recommends contacting the clinic’s leadership or patient relations team. This team helps patients advocate for their needs and address any negative interactions. You can often find how to do that on your clinic’s website, where you’ll typically find an email address, phone number or website form that you can use for more support.
Speak your mind, but protect your peace
And at the end of the day, you are the ultimate decision maker.
And remember — it’s OK to disagree with your doctor. You might not always see eye-to-eye. What’s most important is making sure you’re getting the care that you need, when you need it.
A quick disclaimer, though: If you refuse treatment or medical advice from your doctor, you’re taking a risk that could negatively affect your health. Remember that your doctor has your best interests in mind — and they likely have the answers you need.
