Try These 7 Psychologist Tips for Setting Realistic Goals

Raise your hand if you've ever made a New Year's resolution you're super pumped about ... and then abandoned it by February. There's no shame in quitting. We all do it; that's because changing your behavior can be hard, even when you want to.  

Humans are creatures of habit, but one way to make sure new habits stick? Starting small with goals that are actually achievable. Here's how to do it, why it works, and some ideas to get you started.

Why is setting smaller goals easier?  

Years and years of behavior research proves one thing: Setting small, realistic goals is almost always more effective than setting big goals that aren’t well thought out.  

“If you set goals that aren’t sustainable, you set yourself up for failure,” says Koriann Cox, a licensed clinical psychologist at UW Medical Center.  

Why? Because a big goal comes with big behavior change, and big behavior change requires lots of smaller changes that add up.  

“Say somebody’s New Year’s goal is to go to the gym every day, but they haven’t been going to the gym at all; that’s a huge shift in time, effort, location and management of their schedule,” says Cox. 

What makes behavior change hard?  

Humans are pretty adaptable in general, including with big life changes that require immediate dedication, like new parents caring for an infant, Cox says. But smaller changes with lower stakes? It’s easier to stick with what you know, even if it doesn’t make you happy, like drinking that second soda when you know water would be healthier or spending money on things you don’t need.  

“People sometimes continue to do not-so-helpful habits because those behaviors are serving some sort of purpose for them, even if another part of them wants to make a change,” says Katherine Walukevich-Dienst, a licensed clinical psychologist and assistant professor at the University of Washington School of Medicine.  

Maybe bingeing TV after dinner helps you relax and forget your troubles, or being unsociable protects you from your fear of rejection. Whatever it is you keep doing (or don’t do) that doesn’t match your goals or values, it’s not random; getting to the bottom of why you do it can help you move forward.

7 ways to set achievable New Year’s resolutions

“Commitment and confidence are the biggest predictors of whether or not you achieve a goal, but that can be hard if the goal is too big,” says Walukevich-Dienst.  

How can you make goals that are small and specific enough to succeed? Here are some tips.

Don’t wait for motivation

Hate to break it to you, but if you’re waiting for inspiration to come knocking so you can start painting again or organize your kitchen … you might get stood up.  

“The motivation comes long after you’ve started, if it ever comes,” says Amelia Dubovsky, MD, a psychiatrist at Harborview Medical Center.

Instead of waiting for motivation to magically appear, try creating it for yourself by regularly reminding yourself why you want to reach your goals.  

Get specific

“People make goals that are very non-specific: go to the gym, eat healthy, lose weight. It’s hard to know what’s success and what’s failure when it’s put into operation,” says Dubovsky.  

For example, instead of telling yourself you want to eat healthier, tell yourself you’re going to eat one additional fruit or vegetable each day, or that you’re going to cook yourself dinner one day each week.

When you’re setting a goal, make it a SMART one: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound. Though often used in business settings, the SMART framework can be helpful in your personal life, too.  

Make working toward your goal fun

The more enjoyable an activity is, the more likely you are to do it. Build in a reward system: If you accomplish your reading goals for the week, treat yourself to a latte from your favorite local coffee shop, rather than making coffee at home.  

That weekly dinner you want to make at home? Invite a friend over to make and share it with you. That half-hour walk you want to go on? Save your favorite podcast’s new episode to listen to while you get your steps in.  

Break your big goal into smaller parts

So you want to go to the gym once a week. First, set aside time to figure out the day that works best with your schedule. The next day, pack your gym bag and set it by the front door. A day later, drive to the gym and do a quick workout. You get the picture.  

Not only do smaller sub-goals make it easier to work toward your large goal, they also make it easier to pivot if necessary.

“If you’re trying your new activity and it’s not feeling like a good fit, a smaller scale is much easier to walk away from mentally than a larger one,” says Cox.

Be flexible

Reevaluate your goals and progress frequently: Do you want to make any changes? Maybe your goals have shifted, or you need to create a more realistic plan.  

It’s also OK if you thought you wanted to run a marathon and then realized you actually hate running. Maybe hiking is more your style; switch up your old goal with a new one that reflects what you’ve learned about yourself.

Discard all-or-nothing thinking

“People often assume that a goal only ‘counts’ if it’s long or intense, like working out five days a week. But this type of rigid thinking gets in the way of change,” says Walukevich-Dienst. “Figuring out brief actions that feel achievable, like doing 10 squats, can add up over time by ensuring you actually do the behavior you want.”

Any progress you make, however small, toward your bigger goal is still progress.

Let go of guilt

Maybe it was a hectic week, and you didn’t even get a chance to meet your smaller goals. That’s OK; just try again.

“Recognize whether you succeed or fail, that doesn’t mean you as a person are a success or a failure,” says Cox. “You always have an opportunity to make a different choice tomorrow.”