Is It OK to Compartmentalize Difficult Emotions?

Not-so-breaking news: The world feels stressful right now. And for those in the sandwich generation, who may have both children to raise and aging parents to care for, every new email, text message and push notification can just add to the stress.

Enter: compartmentalization. That tried-and-true coping strategy that involves shelving your emotions so you can manage your daily tasks. Here’s the truth about when it’s OK to shelve your feelings for later … and when it becomes an issue.

What is compartmentalization?

According to Heather Gebhardt, PhD, ABPP, the Associate Director for Well-Being and Support at Harborview Medical Center, compartmentalization is a coping mechanism in which you internally distance yourself from a specific experience, emotion or thought.

For example, if you just had a really challenging interaction with a patient only to walk into the break room to find a co-worker in tears, you might find yourself compartmentalizing your reactions to the patient in order to be fully present for your teammate.

“Simply put, it’s the idea that you put these experiences or beliefs into a mental ‘box’ and shelve it for later, so you can focus on what you’re doing in the moment,” says Gebhardt.

Is it bad to compartmentalize stress?

It’s not always bad to compartmentalize your stress … but it’s important to know when it’s becoming a problem.

The pros of compartmentalizing stress

Sometimes, compartmentalization can be helpful and keep you fully present.

“It can really help with emotion regulation in the short term,” says Gebhardt. “When we’re feeling pulled in multiple directions, compartmentalization can help you concentrate on the task at hand without becoming overwhelmed by everything else on your plate.”

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “leave it at the door,” it’s like that. Let’s say you have a career-defining presentation, but you’re feeling overwhelming stress about some recent conflict with a loved one. Compartmentalizing could help you regulate your emotions while you’re in the office — long enough to ace that presentation and then revisit the conflict later.

The risks of frequently compartmentalizing stress

While helpful in the moment, you shouldn’t always rely on compartmentalization when you’re stressed. If left unchecked and used as a long-term coping strategy, the slippery slope of compartmentalization can quickly lead to avoidance.

“If you’re constantly putting things in a box and sticking them on a shelf, your shelf can only hold so much before all the boxes start to fall off,” Gebhardt says. “The trick to compartmentalization is that we have to go back to revisit those experiences, emotions and beliefs that we’ve boxed and find a way to process them.”

It might seem easier to avoid revisiting these feelings — especially if you’re being productive thanks to compartmentalizing — but unchecked avoidance can harm your mental health over time.

How compartmentalization affects you

Relying on compartmentalization as a coping strategy can lead to mental health concerns such as depression and anxiety.

“Shutting off our connection to some of those emotions is going to affect our other emotions, too,” says Gebhardt. “For example, if someone has a traumatic experience and they only suppress or avoid it and never fully process it, that’s where PTSD can develop. You have to take the experience off the shelf, process it and find a way to integrate it into who you are now.”

Compartmentalizing can harm your relationships, too.

“Emotions are our ways to connect with other humans,” Gebhardt says. “If we’re compartmentalizing our emotional experiences and disconnecting from certain emotions, it’s going to affect how we interact within our relationships.”

For example, if you’re caring for your aging parents, you might set aside the stress, grief, and fear that come with that role when you’re hanging out with friends. However, by continuing to suppress those feelings, you may become increasingly distant or withdrawn from the people who love you and want to be there for you.

If you want to do a self-check to see if you’re relying too heavily on compartmentalization, Gebhardt says to ask yourself these questions:

• Am I setting aside these feelings to stay functional right now, or to avoid dealing with them?
• What feels difficult or unapproachable about engaging with these thoughts or emotions?
• What do I think will happen if I allowed myself to fully acknowledge them?  
• Am I noticing any signs of disconnection in my life, like emotional numbness or strain in my relationships?  

How to process your stress if you’ve been compartmentalizing

Again, it’s OK if you’ve been compartmentalizing. But if you’re ready to start processing those feelings, start here.

Check in with yourself  

If you’re finding you’re compartmentalizing to manage your stress, consider adding a standing mindfulness practice to your routine. It doesn’t have to be anything like completing an hour-long meditation session — it can start with just a few intentional moments throughout your day in which you notice how you’re feeling.

“Even taking two to five minutes a day to step back and non-judgmentally notice what you’re experiencing in the moment can make those feelings more manageable over time, rather than pushing them aside and trying to address them all at once,” says Gebhardt.

Another strategy? Focus on your breath.

“Take ten good breaths,” Gebhardt says. “Give your attention to ten of your breaths and then go about your day. If — or when — your mind gets distracted, bring your focus back.”

This practice will only take up to 90 seconds, but over time, you’re building a skill that can help you focus on one thing you can control when life feels overwhelming.

Acknowledge what you’re feeling

Instead of trying to handle all your emotions while you’re in the middle of the storm, start by just naming what you’re going through without pressuring yourself to solve everything.

“Acknowledge that you have a lot going on and that you’re feeling overwhelmed, and then triage from there,” says Gebhardt. “Stepping back to name what you’re experiencing in the moment gives you the space to sort through all the noise and figure out where you need to put your attention so you don’t get swept away in the winds of the storm.”

For example, it’s not realistic to process all of your feelings about your aging parent in one afternoon before your evening shift at work. Start by identifying which feelings are coming up for you and which need immediate attention.

Get specific

When life responsibilities start piling up alongside the constant awareness of difficult things happening in our communities and the world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and ineffective. While staying informed and aware matters, spending too much time focused on the bigger picture can sometimes leave us feeling stuck or helpless. In those moments, Gebhardt says it can be helpful to intentionally “zoom in.” Rather than trying to hold everything at once, focus on what’s directly in front of you and within your control.

“Whether that’s a conversation with the person sitting in front of you, playing on the floor with your toddler or answering one email, really try to zoom in, focusing your attention in a more immediate and manageable way can help counteract the overwhelm that comes from trying to take in too much at once,” says Gebhardt.

What to do if there’s seemingly no time to process emotions

It’s important to recognize that not everyone can easily step away to process these feelings.  

If that’s you, try setting aside specific times in the day or week to let yourself feel the difficult emotions you’re dealing with, or write them out in a journal. You could do this during your lunch break or in your car before commuting home. Making time throughout your day can help you avoid feeling overwhelmed later or when you don’t expect it.

Talk to someone  

If it still feels too unmanageable to confront how you’re feeling, it might be time to ask for help.

Talking to your primary care doctor or a mental health professional can be the first step in helping you unpack your thoughts (and hopefully help you start feeling a little lighter).

However, it should be acknowledged that many people don’t have the time or extra funds to spend on professional mental health support. If that’s where you are, try finding an hour in your day to talk with a friend or family member, or send a message to your doctor to see if there are any resources you can use in the meantime.

And ultimately — you deserve to be helped, too. If you have the resources, you shouldn’t feel selfish for prioritizing your mental health and your needs.

Permission to compartmentalize, granted

Compartmentalization can be a useful — and sometimes necessary — coping strategy, and you shouldn’t ever feel bad for needing to use it. But remember, it’s not healthy to compartmentalize everything forever.

“One of my favorite sayings is, ‘you can only sweep so much under the rug before you start tripping over it,’” says Gebhardt. “You eventually have to unpack what’s under that rug or what’s in those boxes.”